


your flirting is atrocious and it's garbage collection today

by skinandbones



Series: We Loved and Loved [8]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ardyn stop this, Flirting, Humor, M/M, why are you like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 22:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10397460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinandbones/pseuds/skinandbones
Summary: Over 2,000 years old, Ardyn has every means to flirt with King Regis despite the man's married status.As if it'll go Ardyn's way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For Shiary who prompted "Ardyn tries to woe Regis (convince him to cheat on Clarus) but fails miserably in the most hilarious of way? (The kids keep showing up every time he tries to use his illusions or powers to make things easier?)"
> 
> Thanks for the prompt! I hope you don't mind that I didn't include the kids. Enjoy!
> 
> -
> 
> Ardyn is that weird uncle relative that we all try to avoid but can't.

Ardyn Izunia considers himself the life of the party and other sorts. Whenever he comes to Insomnia, he’s graced with the children running up to him, eager for gifts from Niflheim because the man is a bearer of surprises, and of course, he couldn’t deny the kind invitation to come celebrate Noctis’ birthday. Totally not because the kid begged and begged his father to invite the Chancellor.

_“He’s weird but awesome!”_

Ardyn remembers hearing Noctis said that once. He’s touched. He really is. He’s that weird uncle that nobody asks for.

And what’s fabulous was the past month of King Regis’ marriage to one Clarus Amicitia.

He hears about the wonderful celebration broadcasted all over and sadly, he regrets for not showing up and congratulating on the happy couple. Maybe he should’ve sent them a gift, a nice spa discount at Galdin Quay. He has plenty of coupons for that special occasion and Kings of Lucis always need a nice massage. Well better late than never.

It’s almost a bit disheartening when Regis found love and he hasn’t at all. It’s fair but it’s not, everyone is moving on while he solemnly prays for that one partner to come into his life and swoop him up. But he’s not going to wait around when he has all the time in the world to try new things. To stir up some _fun_. One worth his time.

Ardyn meets with the kids along the way into the building. Noctis hugs into Ardyn’s leg, a tight squeeze as he’s absolutely thrilled for him coming. Prompto excitingly waves at him while Ignis and Gladio kindly greet him. Noctis even asks for an early birthday gift but Ardyn boops the prince’s cute nose and tells him that it’s a secret.

After saying his goodbyes to the children, Ardyn moves on.

He stands in front of the closed doors to the throne room and told by the guards that the King is not inside and if he wanted, he could wait until His Majesty comes back. Ardyn states that he will later and walks the other way. He would find the man himself and ends up making his way to the greenhouse. A place of peace and quiet ‘me’ time.

What luck. Ardyn catches a familiar face of Regis sitting at a table but with Clarus by his side. They seem to be conversing in something _very_ important but when the Shield sits up from his chair, he walks the other way and Ardyn takes his chance.

Time is everything.

But when he’s over 2000 years old, it doesn’t really matter. Maybe.

“Your Majesty!” Ardyn spreads his arms wide, a carefree gesture as he makes his way over. “Such beautiful display in this world of yours. Can I say I’m quite jealous to see life thriving? Oh, are these eucalyptus leaves?” He gasps and admires them.

“Chancellor Izunia… Welcome.” King Regis begins to sit up but Ardyn shakes his head at him.

“No need for that, let me join you.” Ardyn brings the second chair closer to Regis’ side, his right elbow over the table and chin over hand. His hair feels amazing today and his smile is practically perfection. His nails trimmed and yes, oh yes, he’s making Regis a little uncomfortable.

“I’m glad you can make it today…” Regis reaches over to drink his coffee.

“Well, how can I say no to the nice invitation? And it would be a tragic if Noctis finds out that his favorite uncle doesn’t show up.”

Regis nods ever so slowly. “Yes, he was very clear with what he wanted.”

“Such a kind prince. And before I forget, late congrats on the marriage, Your Majesty.” Ardyn reaches into his coat and pulls out a nifty coupon book and slides it over. “I thought it would be best to hand this to you in person rather than have it shipped. I didn’t want to risk falling into the wrong hands, you know?”

“What is it?” Regis carefully picks it up and flips it over, surprise. “These are coupons to…”

“Not only Galdin Quay but a cruise to Altissia, for starters. There’s also a chocobo ranch you can visit too, such cuties they are. You love them, right? And food, can’t forget about that. There are some discounts to your favorite stores in Lucis, no doubt. And I made sure they don’t expire too so that’s a plus there.” He winks, watching Regis flipping through the gift.

The book closes. “Thank you.” Regis tries to smile.

“Please, you don’t have to thank me. But you know,” Ardyn says, leaning in closer as Regis slightly backs away, “did I mention you look very handsome today? I wonder if it’s the beard or _something_ else entirely. Hm, you always know how to sport a sexy one. Would be a shame if you’re caught in a hairy situation.”

“What?” Confusion wraps around the King’s face.

Ardyn attempts to hold his laughter. “That’s a terrible fault of mine. Pretend you didn’t hear that and simply…” He hums a little cheery tune, his hand reaches out towards Regis’ right ear but immediately, a hand snatches his wrist in a firm grip. He knows very well that Regis is more than capable of breaking it in a second.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Regis questions, commanding.

With a flick of his fingers, Ardyn produces an ancient coin in midair. “You’re fond of magic, aren’t you?”

“No.” The grip holds.

“Are you sure about that?” Ardyn shows Regis one side of the coin, showcasing the king’s face outlined in metal and turns it to show his very own.

Regis could only stare, uncertainty in those eyes. “What’s your plan, Ardyn?”

“Watch.” Ardyn smiles and flips the coin in the air. When it falls midway, a bouquet of flowers appears in hand. He catches it and presents it to the King. “For you, Your Majesty.”

But Ardyn is immediately thrown out of his seat.

“Clarus!” Regis stands as Clarus grabs ahold of Ardyn’s left ear like a child in need of punishment.

“Hello there-Ouch! Careful, you’ll tear my ear off.”

“Your Majesty,” Clarus states. “I apologized for not being here sooner. Are you hurt?”

“Oh it’s fine. I’m not harmed or anything…” Regis replies.

“Good. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking out the trash.” Clarus starts walking to the exit, bringing Ardyn along.

“Trash? Oh Six, you don’t mean me?” Ardyn fakes a gasp, doesn’t receive any answer from Clarus, as he continues following along without a care in the world. His ear is tugged harder but his smile never wavers while Clarus expresses more disappointment and annoyance.

Clarus doesn’t speak until Ardyn is out of the greenhouse. “We will see you at His Highness’ party later today. Until then... good day to you, Chancellor.” There’s a click of Clarus locking the door behind the see through glass.

“Don’t forget the gifts I’ve parted to our dear king. It’s for both of you to enjoy!” But Clarus answers with a tight glare, enough to send men falling to their knees and walks away without another word.

“Feisty.”

-

Ardyn believes in second chances. Or three. Four. Twelve. Fifty. One hundred. You get the point.

There’s got to be another way and there’s no harm when he wants to have a little fun. Couldn’t let Clarus take all the glory. He casts a bit of magic over himself, making him a man in his twenties and goes to search for Regis once more.

He returns to the greenhouse but it’s devoid of people so he makes the trip to the King’s room instead.

When he politely knocks against the door, he hears a ‘come in’ and heads inside.

“Ardyn…?” Regis looks in a state of shock, his pen in hand over a piece of paper. Ardyn doesn’t mind as he sashayed his way over, completing sliding his entire body over Regis’ desk, the papers scatter to the floor and an ink bottle almost tipping until Regis manages to saves it. “Why are you here—” But Ardyn shushes the man’s lips with a finger.

“Now, now. Did I forget to mention that I…” Ardyn is on all fours and stretches forward like a needy cat. “Love your eyes? Like oceans deep and wonderful.” He slips off and casually sits on Regis’ lap, his legs around his waist. “Looks like you caught yourself a treasure, care to reel me in?”

The distraught king freezes with Ardyn on his lap, and no doubt, Ardyn adds a sly grin, baring teeth before fiddling with the man’s tie. “You do have expensive taste, I like that a lot. I’m a man of many tastes myself.”

The door opens with Clarus and Noctis in hand.

“Your Majesty, His Highness—” Clarus stops, and Noctis stares with wide eyes.

Regis’ eyes grows so large and looks as if he’s about to faint and Ardyn turns, fairly interested to see how this will play next. Whatever will Clarus do? He couldn’t get rid of him that easily. At least not off the property.

“Welcome.” Ardyn rolls his shoulder and winks. Regis sinks back into the seat further.

“Dad, who is that?” Noctis asks innocently but Clarus pats the boy’s head.

“Your Highness, can you please wait outside? There’s something I would like to discuss with your father.”

“Oh, okay. Sure!” Noctis smiles and heads right out, leaving the three men in the room.

The tension rises.

Clarus steps forward until he’s right beside Ardyn. He feigns indifference but Ardyn sees the clear cut intent in the Shield’s eyes. He’s angry, no doubt, and even more so when he’s suddenly lifted from the king’s lap. The illusion immediately disintegrates, and the window behind opens with a _click_.

“Clarus, be mindful of the jacket! I had it tailored specifically for today!”

“Clarus, dear. Is that advisable?” Regis stands from his seat but Clarus halts him with a hand in the air.

“Yes, I have every means of taking out the trash.”

-

Later on during the day, Prince Noctis’ birthday is a success, and the Chancellor manages to surprise Noctis his very own baby chocobo to care for.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated. Drop me a prompt if you like. Doesn't have to be Clarus/Regis, feel feel to drop Ardyn/Ravus, Regis/Cor, etc.
> 
> Find me at [ofskinandbones](http://www.ofskinandbones.tumblr.com).


End file.
